Many people are always shouting that they no longer believe in love. However, when you ask them what love is, they are speechless. So what is the essence of love? Is it hormones? Is it passion? Or is it love at first sight? ?
In fact, they are all right. When you fall in love with someone, you will have emotional fluctuations. You will be happy, excited, excited, shy, sad... Your emotional changes are how you feel about that person. Level of love.
In psychology, the essence of falling in love with someone is that we see our own reflection in the other person.
When the other person meets your inner emotional needs, you will be attracted to the other person.
An intimate relationship usually goes through four stages, the halo stage, the disillusionment stage, the introspection stage, and the revelation stage. Most people who do not make it to the end are separated during the disillusionment stage.
During the disillusionment stage, a power struggle will occur. After the halo stage, you will re-examine each other and discover each other's shortcomings.
You feel that he is not your ideal state and does not meet your expectations.
For example:
You are used to keeping everything neatly, but she is the one who places things randomly.
You like to go to bed early and get up early, and live a disciplined life every day, but she is a person who likes to stay up late and sleep in.
You think that you must get ahead, get a promotion and a salary increase, which is the meaning of life, but she thinks that it is not necessary to be rich and powerful, as long as you are safe and stable, being ordinary is fine.
So you don’t like her behavior, and you want to change her, you want her to become what you like, and hope that she can change in the direction you expect.
However, the other party was reluctant and began to resist, so the power struggle between you began.
The essence of the power struggle is change, but change is not easy.
A person’s character is shaped by her family of origin, life experience, education received, etc. If she wants to change, it means denying the past, which affects the whole body.
Some people learn to be tolerant during the power struggle, and some people part ways because of their differences.
Those who finally break up don’t love each other, but they don’t know how to love.
True love means that you are not someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend, and you don’t need to be restricted by rigid rules. You are who you are, and I accept everything about you. A long-term love requires the following three points:
1. Love requires action
< p> Love is a verb, she does not rely on wordsThe commitment is a real contribution.Love without action is not love, it is just a blank check.
Those lovers who grow old together, not only do they love each other, but they also cherish each other.
Steinberg once proposed a famous triangle theory of love. He believed that love is composed of three factors: intimacy, passion and commitment.
Intimacy means valuing each other’s likes, understandings and expectations, passion means charm and sexual attraction, and commitment determines the development of a stable relationship.
If you want to maintain a long-term relationship, intimacy plays a vital role.
2. Love requires compromise
When there are conflicts, think about why you got together in the first place. When you want to separate, think about how it is okay after so many years.
People who truly love each other are crying in their hearts and holding an umbrella for you.
In fact, when two people are together, one of them always needs to compromise first. Those who compromise first are not weak, but they know how to cherish things better.
